This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
