You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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