so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
