clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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