Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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