I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
