It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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