I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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