BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
