sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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