I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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