can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Pooping to opera.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
