can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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