We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
