cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
