It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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