oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
