literally had 100 drinks last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
