If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
