I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
