he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
