grandma shit on top of the toilet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
