You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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