I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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