Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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