I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
