We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
