my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
