just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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