she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
