Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
