using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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