I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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