She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
