you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
