I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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