he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
