She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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