so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
