my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my shit smells like andre
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
