Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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