it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
