you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
