what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
