She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
