I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
