I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
