I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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