Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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