if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
