It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
