what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
