So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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