Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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