hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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