only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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